Following the recent series of "substance abuse" incidents in Major League Baseball surrounding performance-enhancing drugs, the Quad Competitive Board is currently reviewing the event's policies surrounding "substance avoidance".
" 'Substance avoidance' is the deliberate abstention from drinking beer during the Quad with the intent of gaining a competitive advantage over those who are drinking," said Mark Shilstone, Quad Chairman of Competitive Parity. "The Quad was founded as an excuse to drink beer, and these recent events spit in the face of the spirit from which the Quad was born. Oh, and those who don't drink can kiss my ass."
Though substance avoidance will not result in any direct scoring penalties, as with Barry Bonds future Quad champions suspected of Substance Avoidance will forever have their records marred by an unwritten asterisk, saying "Sure he won, but he only drank one Zima all week."
8 comments:
How much substance abuse does it take to miss spell Avoidance in the title of this Blog entry?
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