Shilstone Speaks!

Following weeks of silence, two-time runner-up John "Fireass" Shilstone made his first public statements involving the 2007 event (Comments below in maroon):

Group 1: Of course, returning champion, “Shoot from the Hipps” Johnny

The next four are in no particular order: Brian Bilbo, Sean Hipps, Travis Weigand, and Zachary Burke. They are the young ones and they have no fear. Remember Freddy, you and I are older than dirt. Put us together and have us fart at the same time and you’ll have one hell of a dust storm.

Group 2: In no particular order: Davis Burke, Dave Weigand, Mark Shilstone, and Kevin Cooper. Beware, young ones! These are the men of the shadows. They wait on their dark horses for one of you to trip and fall; and, suddenly, you will find them in front of you. Never look back on the men of the shadows for this is what they want. They want to take you away from your game plan.

Group 3: In no particular order: Freddy Sistrunk, Des Carroll, Bart Sistrunk, and Doug Sistrunk. As for Freddy, if he hadn’t been injured he still would’ve screwed up his game by always trying to do it the “correct” way. One fault and he always tried to figure out what he did wrong, which made him lose his concentration of the game. Des, we’ve already explained that Des can’t perform two tasks at once. Example: Disc or beer? Disc or beer? What do I do? Doug, let’s see. . . An 82 at bowling? It seems that Doug has acquired the same gene as Des. Pick up ball, roll ball. . . pick op ball, roll ball. . .What do I do? What do I do? Bart will return this year with a repeat of last year’s showing. How do I know this? I had a phone conversation with Kelly and she informed me that Bart will be on the same time restraints as last year. Bart will be worried if he can get to Kelly in time to do her hair, makeup and nails. He will lose his concentration again.

Now we come to Fireass. . . As you know, I was inflicted with a game-ending injury to both feet. For months I’ve experienced excruciating pain in both feet. With the help of my beautiful, caring, and highly intelligent doctor (Yes, that is Dr. Dianne Cooper) I have been put on a regiment of pain medicine and medicine to promote healing of the nerves in my feet. Herein lies the problem. . . I find myself breaking one of the cardinal rules of the Quad. Because of the medication, I will not be able to drink the golden juice. Combining the medicine and the “juice” could cause great harm to my body. Therefore, this is what will happen: 1. I will compete at 50% in all facets of the Quad. 2. I will do my best to complete every competition in the Quad. 3. I will have all scores tallied and posted on the Quad official board. 4. But, because of my blatant breaking of the rules, I will put myself in last place for the entire Quad. Even knowing that all the laughter that, once again, I have beaten Des – It will not count.

So let it be written, so let it be done.

Now to all my competitors, I say, “Let’s get ready to stumble!!!!”

Yours,

John “Fireass” Shitrock