QUADRATHLON: Big John Develops New Support System for Less Successful Competitors

Monday, December 23, 2013

Big John Develops New Support System for Less Successful Competitors

CRAP Expert

Following years of intensive research, Big John has announced the launch of his new emotional support system for managing the extreme disappointment associated with poor performance in the Quad. The new system, known as Cerebral Reprogramming And Partitioning (C.R.A.P.) is expected revolutionize the event.

"I am going to ensure that the Quad's poor performers get so much CRAP that it will be coming out of their ears," said the Big John in a recent statement. "Really, my ability to deliver CRAP knows no bounds."

The system will retail for $99.99, but special free sessions are expected be made readily available for Quad competitors.

3 comments:

Bart Sistrunk said...: I hope I don't need any of this...; 7:00 AM
Unknown said...: I have known him for over 45 years and can attest to the fact that he is, indeed, the king of CRAP!; 10:29 AM
Anonymous said...: Way to go Bart, you let the C.R.A.P. hit the fan. I WAS going to charge 3 times that amount for the service. Now I must return the crying towels, Pampers, and Muppet noses because the price you quoted cuts way into my profit margin. I guess I could use napkins, plastic bags, and Leeny's meatballs instead. Well crap, your crap has hurt my crap which effects all those who need my crap in oder to make it through all the crap of the QUAD crap. I shall try to turn the fan off on this C.R.A.P. and see my way through this crap. Bart has just killed some good crap for a lot of deserving crappy souls.

Papa John
C.R.A.P. CEO COO CFO and DOO DOO; 10:53 AM